Incorporeal Works

Down an endless corridor of perpetual light, the Archangel Michael hurried along, scanning documents in a golden file folder. Michael looked up as he approached the Celestial Throne Room, nodded to the two cherubim flanking the door and they caused the door to swing open. Michael walked to directly in front of the seated Ruler of the Universe, inclined his head and waited deferentially to be addressed.

“Well, Michael, I know, being omniscient, that you are worked up about something, but with all the knowledge in existence to sift through, I would prefer to let you tell me what’s up. Please proceed.”

“Thank you, Almighty Spirit, Wonderful Counselor, I have a memo from Your Blasphemy Bureau about yet another mortal dishonoring Your Name.”

“Um, Mike, I appreciate your punctilious formality in addressing Me, but it’s okay to occasionally just speak directly-and succinctly,” God smiled on the Archangel, “so what is it? Another little kid saying ‘goddam’? Or,” shuddering at the thought, “more of that horrible rap music-I have given people so many words of beauty and grace, it pains Me to hear repetitive cursing.”

“Eternal Ruler, it is much worse than that. Do You remember Ariel Sharon, one of Your Jewish creations? He is gravely ill, with a prognosis so dire that he may already be dead. One of those televangelists they have, You know, always asking for money in Your Name, is saying that he knows that You have struck down Sharon for violating Your Will for the Mideast.”

With a thoughtful look, God said, “Sharon, oh yes, he’s the one always sending in tanks to level Canaanite villages, taking land from those dirt-poor people for some stiff-necked Hebrews to build on with no compensation. The one who causes missile attacks on villages of people who piss him off. That’s the one?” At Michael’s nod, God continued, “Well, he does displease Me, but if I smote everybody down there that displeased Me, I’d not have time for anything else. Actually, being Omnipotent, I would, but time lost is time lost.”

“Yes, your Awesomeness, it wouldn’t be worth Your time, I know. Actually, Sharon lately had been embracing the Canaanites, giving back their land, making overtures of peace, counselling forgiveness on both sides.”

With a great shout of Divine Joy that shook the heavens, God beamed upon Michael, “Me be praised! Another human has heeded My words, and is about My work. It’s like My Son’s little parable about the Prodigal Son, Sharon shall have a fatted calf and all the trimmings when he returns to My House.” God’s shining Countenance Divine clouded, “But you said this fundraiser person claimed to know that I smote Sharon? So who is he? Was he there when I laid the earth’s foundations? Who is this presumptuous man?”

“Pat Robertson, Your Heavenly Highness, You may remember him from earlier outbursts.”

Gathering Celestial Robes in a swirl of Divine fury, God spoke, “Him! Him with the hurricanes, him with the bogus science, saying that I would smite that little town because the people knew the difference between churches and schools. That little man is quick to see the mote in others’ eyes, and has beams without light in his own. Feh! If I weren’t the Fount of Divine Mercy, I would do some smiting, all right. Woe to him, for he is tempting the Almighty, it would have been better for him that had he never been born than to anger Me.” Peals of thunder crashed through the infinity of the Celestial Firmament.

Bowing before the Divine Fury, Michael spoke hesitantly, “So, Heavenly One, should I refer this complaint to Legal for Enforcement?”

“No, Michael, now that I consult my Omniscience, I find that this Robertson is well-known to be a crackpot, and every time he comes up with this drivel, millions of people shake their heads and, after they vent a bit, pity his gross misunderstanding of My Word. It is like the great saying of My servant, Jefferson, ‘We shall fear no error so long as reason is free to combat it.’ I always liked that boy. Pity about his slave habit.” Sighing, God settled back. “Leave Robertson to his folly. Even he may see his error someday, I have given all My children the capacity for good, as well as evil. Their choice.”

God smiled radiantly on Michael, dazzling his eyes, “After all, what is a Mother but unconditional Love?” Tossing Her hair back, God said, “Remember what my Son said, Michael, forgive seventy times seven. And more. I am well pleased with My Son. He honors His Mother in His ministry. It matters not how many Robertsons pervert the Message. It is still out there.”

The Archangel Michael withdrew, backing out of the Celestial Throne Room with many genuflections.